Monday, June 19, 2017

RESPECT every boobie

Our mammophilic and gynocentric society praises the arduous work of home management and childcare. This leaves men have a boobie complex. To be more successful and respected, they wear fake breasts with an elaborate breastfeeding contraption, and often walk out with these breasts, nipples showing through their floral blouses. Some get implants but still need the feeding tube. Men who choose not to wear the fake breasts in public are thought of and judged by other men and women as a little off, wayward for flaunting their masculinity.

There are lactation clinics and breast specialists for women to chat all things boobie - - for play, foreplay, breastfeeding, support, sagging, perkiness, massage, bras, comfort measures, forums for "does your bra cause or prevent sagging with age?" Old women with saggers, flatter women with perky tits, implanters, reducers, are in free and judgment-free exchange for these important weekly town halls. The struggles of latching, feeding, clogging, all take place at homes and luxurious nursing lounges in every workplace (even small businesses and workplaces with a largely undocumented or underpaid labor force, get free resources for quarterly training and renovations, and supplies for their nursing lounges. Women receive $100,000 minimum per year for their work at home with chores, groceries, child rearing, worrying, working for her family to improve the state of house and family 120% of her time, plus an as-needed per child reimbursement for couples therapy, therapy, pharmaceuticals, and hippie medicines. Stay at home dads get $92,000 minimum per year, but we are working on that wage gap (and of course, the breastfeeding contraption is paid for--for all dads who apply via a long annoying hold line muzak process to their local state healthcare agency, where they are only occasionally made to feel inferior by the woman on the other line).

Much indebted to "On Discovery": the story of Tang Ao's discovery of the "Land of Women" in Chinamen by Maxine Hong Kingston


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